Doubts. . .

I've been thinking since last night of some freaking questions. I know someone would be raising his brows once he started reading this post. But I just can't help it. I kept on searching for answers. All night, I kept on asking myself if all of this are true. That its not a result of some stupid imagination.

Heavens forbid, but is he really gone? Or was he just hiding?

Hiding?

From whom?

Why?

Is it worth it?

If he is really hiding, if he's still alive, why do he need to hide? To make us suffer like this. All the sleepless nights, the pain and agony and the loss, would mean nothing!

I hate to say this, but it would be much better if he's gone rather than to know in the end that he is still here. Hiding.

Well, hiding is the right word, for me, to use.

But if he's still alive, why do I see some signs that he's not. That he's really gone?

But then again, I can talk to him even if he's still alive, but with one condition, that he should be unconscious. I think he is. But how can I see him them? I'm able to see him in school more often since the 12th of February. If he's alive, just hypothetically, then how come I am able to see him at school. His spirit is not supposed to be roaming around.

Shit!

Is he or is he not?

I guess the safest answer I can have right now is that we are thinking and acting this way because of his untimely death and that it caught everyone in shock. That we all wishes (or hope) that he is still alive. That he never left us after all.

Only one person can answer all of this. Just one person. But the problem is, he's either hiding . . . or dead.