09:59 p.m.
Akala ko, I already moved on and accepted ko na kung ano man ang nangyari kay Grace. That I already accepted her fate, that she's already gone and she's with the Almighty Lord already. Pero hindi pa pala.
Late this afternoon, while doing some paper works, a friend from the other office sent me a PM in FB. Yan na kasi ang bonding time ko sa kabilang opisina, since most of the time eh nasa office ako, alone. Hehe. So yun, kwentuhan kami until maitanong niya sa akin about the countdown thing na ginawa ko nung September 1.
Tinanong niya ako kung para saan yung countdown, so I told her na it was for my Ex's birthday. So yun, sabi niya, ex ko na nga raw at lahat, eh sine-celebrate ko pa daw. I can't think of words to explain so instead, I gave her a link (http://sugatangpuso.blogspot.com/2009/09/september-28-2009-repost.html) of a previous blog about September 28.
So yun, binasa niya and ako na din. We read it separately, siya sa office nila, ako sa office ko. While reading the blog, I can't help myself but to feel the sadness and pain of losing her. Bumalik yung mga memories namin together. Bumalik yung pag-iisip ko about her. Yung mga wishes ko na I know impossible nang magkatotoo. Na sana, buhay pa siya. Na sana nakikita ko pa siya. Na sana nakakausap ko pa siya. Na sana nayayakap ko pa, nahahawakan, natitignan. Pero lahat iyon, hanggang sa isang malaking SANA na lang magtatapos. Minsan, naisip ko pa nga pala noon na I'm willing to give ten years of my own life para sa kanya. Just to be with her. [FYI: I am crying right now while typing this blog. :'(] Lahat gagawin ko. Lahat kaya kong isacrifice para lang makasama siya. I want to see her, kahit sa panaginip lang. Pero talang mapait ang kapalaran para sa akin, ni minsan, hindi siya pumasok sa panaginip ko.
Ang katotohanan nga niyan, kanina,on my way home, humingi ako sa Diyos ng pabor, na sana makita ko siya ngayong gabi. Hindi naman iyon mahirap sa akin, makakita ng multo? Natural na iyon. Pero kung hindi kaya ni Grace na bumababa, okay lang kahit sa panaginip ko lang. Satisfied na ako dun. Ang importante, maramdaman or makita ko siya. Mahirap ba naman yun? Kuya Jess, padangat mo man baga ako. :) Ina, paki sabihan man si Kuya Jess na pagbigyan ako. :)
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Twenty-two days na lang before her birthday. And I still don't know what to do on that day. Jastine will be in school, as for me, I might be in Manila by the last week of September, so I might have the chance to visit her there.
Hmmmm…
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Message to Grace:
Hi Grace. Hmmm.. Ika daw, pirmi mo ako pinapahibi. Just the thought of you makes me cry. Grabe man kaya, up to now dai ko pa maako na mayo ka na. Okay na baga satuya ang gabus. Tanu arug kaini ang nangyari? Everything was okay satuya. We've been the best of friends, for five years, nasurvive ta gabus na trials. Pero dai ko talaga maisip kung ano ang nagyari satuya. Pero you know what, now I realize one thing. Siguro, kaya kita nagsuwayan, because may intervention na si Kuya Jess saka ni Ina. Aram na kaya siguro ninda na madali ka na mabalik sa inda, and that having you here by my side would when the time that you'll be leaving, would cause me in so much pain. Much worse that the pain that I felt nung nalaman ko na wala ka na. Kung yun nga na may katagalan tayong hindi nagkasama, sobra akong nasaktan, how much more kung kasama kita.
Grace, I love you so much. Nothing and no one can equal my love for you. Even si mga naging GF ko and even si Lyza knows about it. Hindi naman nila kayang makipag compete sa taong wala na. So they just let me be. Basta, I just want you to know na Jastine Jea will be fine. She will be brought up by a family that you want her to see.
Grace, I miss you so much. I love you so much. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight.
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B y the way, here's my song for you.
Love you Grace.
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