An Open Letter

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH THE PAST DAYS

Note: It’s very long. If you don’t care about me or don’t wanna trouble yourself through it, then don’t read! I am writing thia to express my thoughtz, not to please your night.

For the past years of searching my identity, purpose and mission in life, I have experienced help, counseling, self-seeking, spiritual direction and chats with friends I love. But, aside from those are inevitable rejection, criticism and discouragement. I cannot blame them. I have given them a reason too. I have made a picture of myself so insulting to myself. But, I am sad that they cast it on stone like I will not and cannot change or improve for the better.

In the last two quarters of 2017 and early days of 2018, I had a lot of desolation coming from within my family, friends and even workmates. I felt like I am the worst person that they have met. I have become so toxic that I even hated myself. But, then, I looked at the reason why I love them, it’s because I wanna change and love them better! But, changing wasn’t very easy especially if the people you love were pulling you down and giving up on you. They said I am hopeless. Impossible. I cannot change. Fuck them! I can and I will! I will show them that they underestimated me and thought of me wrong! I WILL BE BETTER AND I DONT GIVE A DAMN TO WHAT THEY SAY! 2018 rolled in and that’s what I continuously tell myself in the mirror every single time I get demotivated. But sadly, I reached the point of giving up. I fell into severe depression and it almost took my life. Because of it, I lost interest with everyone - close friends and family members. It cost my relationship with them to the point that I lost them. It was painful to remove them from my life but its a sacrifice worth taking. I need enough time to breath and be with my own for now, far from them and hope that soon, everything will be okay with me and I can finally face them - either as a better person or as their friend. Because if they trully are, they will accept me despite everything that happened. But to some, I really had already severed the connection and friendship.

I asked myself before, why were they pulling me down? Why were they giving up on me. I knew it by looking at myself, I painted an awful, funny, non-serious picture of myself. Everyone looked at me like I’m a circus entertainer or even as a bastard. I am sure they are already making fun of me. I cannot blame them. I am partly at fault. I gave them an image to mock and laugh at. So, how could a person like me do good things, change and be better? Please, it can happen but not easy! I know my stand, I know it’ll be hard to improve but I will! I don’t care who stands in my way to pull me down! I have a mission and one of the task is to either bring you with me to be better or to leave you and rot where you are! I will change, improve and fulfill my God-ordained destiny!

I don’t need all the people in the world to love me and believe in me. All I need are the handful of friends who I know didn’t give up on me and cheers me up. And I have a God whose love is far greater than all that can be combined from all peoples’ hearts.

No matter what insults, demotivating and discouraging people may be, I will keep doing what I believe is right and will be better for me with the help of God. I am changing. God is at work and I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS. He didn’t put the people in my life to pull me down. No. He is in me to fight off those people and peove to myself, I am a champion, worthy of love and happiness.

For too long, I have underestimated myself, my abilities, my skills, my capacity. But, NO! Not this time! Before, I do not understand how blessed, valuable and great my life is - my existence! I will change because I can and my God loves me, believing in me.

I am EFREN MALANA ABARIENTOS, Jr., proud to be a work in progress. I vow to change and be better to love and serve more! I AM READY TO FACE THE WORLD ONCE MORE AND CAN PROUDLY SHOUT: "LIFE: BRING IT ON!"

Thank you for my friends who are there for me and are not giving up on me. Thank you for my advisers, spiritual directors, prayer warriors and confidants. I am grateful for your help and guidance.

To God be the Glory, now and forever!