I miss them… it was my choice… I know… and I’m crazy to let it that way. It was perfect. Though most of the time, it wasn’t. But for me it was. It was perfect. Sometimes God’s plans require us to let go of those that we love the most. And in my case, I really have to let them go. They used to be mine, but they’ll never be forever. It has to end. I made a choice and it means living my life without them by my side.
They were everything to me. I love them no doubt at all. But loving gives me more pain than I ever thought possible. I guess, this is how love goes. I may have been in love, actually, I was in love, but the pain kills me more. And it’s still killing me now. I was addicted with thoughts of them and it haunts me every night. Just the thought of leaving them would have ushered me to my grave.
I left my heart with them. They owned it before I know. It was beating for them and I breath just to be with them. I dreamt of a perfect love and they were successful enough to make my dreams real. They made everything so perfect that my heart couldn’t almost contain. Their voice still echo inside my head. Their memories still fog my thoughts. I can’t imagine myself without him. But reality bites. They're gone and I was the reason why they're not here. I guess I have to accept the fact that they're really gone. And I have to admit that it was entirely my fault. I was a total failure. A loser in a game wherein I fought for selfish reasons while they were actually fighting for me.
I never felt their love not until I almost blew it all up. Not until now. I missed them like hell. I miss them and its making me crazy. My mind dictates me to move on but I guess my heart never will. If I could only turn back the hand of time and go back to where it all started. If only I could… if only I could. I ruined it all. I destroyed a perfect dream… a perfect partnership… my partners.
Tears won’t stop. And I chose to let them all… everything to be exact. Life must move on. But I guess, I never will. I just hope they’ll still think of me. But I guess, it’ll be an awkward thing to do. I can’t find the reason why I still hope from something that I know could never be. I’m so stupid to have myself still convicted within the jail of memories. I won’t be able to free myself from the grasp of their being.
I have learned enough. I have learned to love them from what they are and they did the same. No, I need to learn how to get rid of my stupid thoughts. I have to learn to forget and live my incomplete life again. They molded me into who I am and I’ll never get to where I am if not because of them. I owe them everything… I owe it all to them…
They belongs to the past…
And now they're gone…
I need to live again…
Live a life without them…
A life that ill never be complete again, for they're not mine anymore…
Trapped…
Chained…
Alone…
Dedicated to my beloved dogs, Mateo and Princess Grace
2 comments:
i know exactly the feeling..our pet dog for 6 yrs. also passed away last monday.and her death was instantaneous.just the day before,she was the playful dog we used to love..we rushed her to theo nearest vet,her frail body almost lifeless.she was no longer responding whenever we call her by her name..she couldnt even lift her head up.she was attended to by the vet,but it was all too late.the vet told us that she was poisoned and that his veins already collapsed.and like a bad dream,suddenly i saw her being pumped by the vet to save her life but it was all too late.she died right before my eyes.and it pains me til now.i cried,knowing that things will never be the same again now that shes gone.i grieve because i know i havent been good enough for her.i took her for granted.i dumped her when all that she has was me.i have been too busy to spare her a little of my time.i know she always longed to have our bonding moments the way we used to.but i havent spared her any. i had guilt feelings.lots of them.things i should have done for her,but wasnt able to.:'( i found comfort reading reading your blog posts,somehow it eases the pain knowing that we shared the same feeling. and yes,hard as it may seem,we have to cope with their loss.though its hard when suddenly the house has been too quiet,no barking,no one to greet me whenever i arrive home.6 yrs is quite a long time to just set aside all the memories. i know it will take some time to get used to a life without her.i so love your posts.i could so much relate tp it.and yes,i hope the guilt feeling would fade away soon.i miss her so.:'(
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I'm still trying to cope up with my loss and I'm still even lighting a candle on their grave just to ease the pain. I want to grieve until I'm numb on the loss..
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